UPDATED: SEPTEMBER 11th, 2011 Last Update 9/30/11
If there exists no possibility of failure, then victory is meaningless.
Okay. It’s almost FOUR MONTHS LATER to the day, and I’m trying AGAIN. I did great, then not so great – then BAM!
It’s okay. Here we go again. Being SEPTEMBER 11th, 2011 – I feel good about choosing today to quit. Hopefully this is the LAST TIME I will ever have to go through this quit smoking BS ever again. And it has to be Cold Turkey for me – I’m just too much of an “all or nothin” kind of girl…
In May, I waited a week to post. I wanted to get through the worst of it first. This time, however, I will update this post every day and share how I am doing. I will do this for 21 days. It may get a little ugly – but hopefully it will be mostly words of encouragement. I will think of all the families who lost loved ones on 9/11/01… from no fault of their own. I will think of how WRONG it is – what a slap in the Face of Life it is, to slowly poison yourself to death on purpose.
Wish me luck. If you’re reading this, and you too are trying to quit, my prayers and thoughts are with you. Good luck to you. Feel free to comment and share any tips or struggles you have… you don’t need to be on WordPress to comment. I’d love some feedback this time.
On your mark, get set……
* Days 15 & 16 * : 9/25 & 9/26/11
* Days 17 – 20 * : 9/27 – 9/30/11
Obviously things are going easier – otherwise I would be posting more frequently, yes? Although cravings come & go – they are usually quick to pass. Keep in mind that my “roomie” is still smoking at least a pack a day – so the smell still gets to me throughout the day & night.
I will share with you that I had one craving, yesterday (9/29), that brought me to literal tears. And once again, God came rushing to my rescue. My friend had to run into the bank – I decided to wait in the car and read my book (The Great Gatsby). Well – for whatever reason, she was in there for nearly an HOUR. I was fine for the most part, but after about 30 -40 minutes I began to get extremely restless. Her pack of cigarettes was so readily available it was almost unfair. I did my deep breathing, I talked out loud to myself (saying NO), I wiggled in my seat & kept reading. Eventually, however, it got unbearable. The devil on my shoulder kept tugging roughly at my ear…”No one will know!! You can have JUST ONE… you’ve gone long enough that ONE won’t put you back… c’mon… just have one already, you’ll be fine!”
I am not exaggerating when I say tears welled up in my eyes as I prayed to God; “Lord, PLEASE HAVE HER COME OUT OF THAT BANK RIGHT NOW!!!! Please! Have Mercy – I can’t handle this one more second….”
And i am not exaggerating when i tell you that the moment I had gotten that prayer off my lips & turned to look over my shoulder toward the bank, that my eyes most joyfully & thankfully saw her white tank top, blue jeans and Sgt. Pepper the Service Labrador! She was kindly holding the door for someone coming IN as she was heading OUT. She strolled up to my window, with absolutely NO CLUE how long she’d been in there (socializing Sgt. Pepper), and as she began to start telling me all that had happened I just smiled and burst into tears. Good tears at this point. Grateful tears.
I took a deep breath, smiled in relief – quickly explained what had just happened & asked her if she could tell me her stories later – could we please get the ‘hell’ out of that parking lot???
I strangely had residual cravings for the rest of the night that were more noticeable than had been thus far – but I didn’t surrender to any of them. So – I’m now coming to the end of DAY EIGHT (9/30) … totally & completely SMOKE FREE!!!!
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9/30 : 9PM – Tonight I am to the point where I am seriously ready to give it ALL UP for ONE freakin’ puff of ONE smoke. How ridiculous is that? Am i? It just goes to show you that quitting for a week does not equal quitting smoking –
if i go for it – if i have that ONE PUFF – I’m going to have completely wasted the last eight days – and I will start again – at HOUR ONE. I’ve been on YOUTUBE for over 30 minutes now – watching videos of smoker’s lungs and the lameness of smoking and everything i CAN to make the BRAIN & SPIRIT part of me win out over the FLESH part of me that wants terribly to say “f” it and smoke a dam cigarette.
For those that think once you get past the first week and you’re fine……. LIARS.
Especially if you are stuck with someone in your home (or living area – like a dorm room or roommate) – who SMOKES languidly – enjoying it all the more b/c YOU quit in front of them…. like they’re shoving it in your smoke-free FACE…. mocking you … like HA HA… let’s just SEE if you stay quit.
11pm – Going to bed – smoke free – painfully….. smoke…… free….. Did i say PAINFULLY? Tonight SUCKED.
ORIGINAL POST – MOTHER’S DAY 2011 / PASSIONATE BUT UNSUCCESSFUL
Ok – quick random post. I’ll tag you under “FITNESS” and maybe start a Mother’s Day revolution. I quit SMOKING!!!
Did anyone else quit smoking for Mother’s Day? For SO MANY REASONS… Mother’s day is a magically powerful day to say adiós to the sticky-tar-flaming-comfort that is Ultimately & QuiTe LiTerAlly the demon Stogie.
I’ve begun referring to un cigarrillo as the “Condescending Thief”.
Every time the urge sweeps violently, or tenderly, I simply respond “Quand les poules auront des dents” … or Hell to tha No.
Deep Breathing – – –
I’ll post my first seven-day “log” on the Hell of Quitting tomorrow. Who’s gonna quit WITH ME?????? Misery may love company… but victory loves a crowd. ❤