May 8, Day 1 – It’s Mother’s Day, and strangely I am glad I had the day alone. I’ve been having cravings on and off all day. Some severe urges, some nagging. I’ve had to speak aloud to myself on occasion. I’ve had to start this record to get through one of them! ;o) I am going to sleep soon to stop the insanity.
May 9, Day 2 – Another hard one. Bad enough that I didn’t get around to even writing about it until today, … which is …
May 10, Day 3 – One craving yesterday lasted over an hour straight – so that five minute rule can be *singing* BoGUs! Today was a bit better, I think. I don’t know what to compare it to. I have a LOT of nervous energy – I can totally tell this part of the ‘withdrawals’ is definitely physiological. I’ve gotten online several times to just read, and re-read the benefits of quitting – looking at smoker’s lungs etc. – and am trying to remember that the last time I quit (for several years) I always told people the “anticipation of quitting is WAY worse than the actual quitting itself” – so I’m taking my encouragement to heart. If the cravings start to feel overwhelming – it’s time to go ‘sleep it off’. This is my choice. I want to be around for my daughter and don’t want Mom to have to bury a child. I don’t want to suffer some nasty smoke-related illness or death. Smoking is just gross. But so lovely and seductive in its grossness. It won’t have me tonight though. Nope.
May 11, Day 4 – Today was the worst so far. I chewed a straw to beyond it’s grave. Deep Breathing helped A LOT. I think the cravings might be getting fewer – although they seem to last longer than the “average” five minutes I’ve been reading so much about. I’ve needed to keep my hands busy as well. I’ve taken to using some self-prescribed herb when desperate, which admittedly has helped as well. Sometimes SLEEP is the best deterrent.
May 12, Day 5 – Today was better than yesterday. I cleaned house from top to bottom, trying to keep busy. Again, A LOT OF DEEP BREATHING. I inhale slowly and deeply through the nose, filling my lunge to capacity; then exhale slowly letting my head, neck and shoulders completely relax. When I think about it, I would often have a smoke to “relax”. I apparently have a ton of “nervous energy” and the act of sitting down for a smoke chilled me out. I believe it was the act of taking that nice long “drag” – the inhalation process – that relaxed me. I don’t know. I DO know that, for me, the slow deep breaths I take when hit with a craving work instantly & immensely.
My friend came home tonight from being out of town for over ten days – she brought her daughter (who’s very cool btw) with her. Though stoked to see both of them, it was a true test of my will as they both smoke. SO… shiny new full packs of the beasts, right in my face… taunting me. By the Grace of God there was no real desire to partake. I mean, sure, i envied in some sick way that they got to go out and enjoy a good smoke while i sat inside “deep breathing’, but i don’t WANT to smoke anymore. The end of it is death. It’s a courtship of falsehood – an abusive relationship – a big fat lie. Cigarettes ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND.
May 13, Day 6
Sometimes visuals speak louder than words…
With my friends home and smoking, it has been tremendously more difficult to abstain. I have, but with torturous effort. I really have to remember how ugly and gross the habit is – and remember that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness…